The small hours between Titanic & Carpathia
The body beside me had already frozen to death when we first spotted the Carpathia.The screams of those dying all around had reminded me of a warm July day, the summer previous, when my father had taken me to a series of ball games. I had been born uninterested in mania- all my life I never quite understood the appeal of the stadium. At the time, though, I was labeled as a “sensitive” child, throwing the housemaid into a frenzy every time I hid in a cupboard or beneath a stair in order to escape the noises of everyone within the household. My father had only just begun to notice my peculiarity, and set about to cure me via exposure to athletic gatherings, a pastime he favored very much. I, on the other hand, spent most of my time during these outings with my hands covering my ears, praying to God for some conclusion. My brief and agonizing hours spent on lifeboat ten were spent much in the same way. I covered my ears and begged the universe for quiet, but when it came, I instantly regretted my plea. When the last wails had finally subsided, all there was left to do was hope.It was the man beside me, his teeth chattering from a brief but painful swim, who began the prayer. “O Lord, our refuge and strength, in times of trial and shadow, lift up our hearts with the light of thy promise, though the night be long and the path uncertain, yet shall we trust in thy mercy, and hope in thy unfailing love.”*
They tell me that The Carpathia arrived two hours after the sinking, but for us, it was an eternity. God was not my friend that night. He was no one’s friend. He was as cruel as I’d ever seen him. Dark as coal- fifthly as the stokers who’d sprung from the boiler room covered in soot, rubbing shoulders with men in waistcoats for the first and last time in either of their lives. I saw their faces, filthy and desperate. I saw their eyes burn. All those who jumped. All those who stayed. It was in the silence between their dying and our rescue that I was awakened to this simple truth: There is no God. There is only death. The great equalizer, forever and always. *Credit: ”A prayer of hope”, adapted from The book of common prayer” via AI